On a personal note: 7 secrets for a happy marriage

So today I celebrate my 7 year wedding anniversary! It’s wonderfully bittersweet because there were some that said we would never make it. There were others who questioned our engagement. But the one thing they didn’t count on is how crazy in love we are with each other, that we forgive each other and we don’t try and relive the past.

So what are the secrets to a happy marriage…well honestly they differ from marriage to marriage. From year to year and from person to person, but these are the 7 things that have helped my husband and I stay together.

1. We love each other and we make sure the other person knows it. Sounds like a duh thing but honestly we make a point to constantly remind the other that we love them. Through think and thin and all the shades of gray in between.  It was a spark that joined us together and we turned it into a fire and now its our job to make sure that fire never goes out.

2. Laugh with each other and at each other. Humor is truly the best medicine and sometimes I think our ability to work through a hard time and laugh our way though is what makes us strong.   Sure its not always funny, life is serious shit but we don’t take ourselves to seriously.  We mock each other, make fun of the other and laugh to the point of crying but we always do it together.

3. Spend time without each other – sounds counterproductive right…but all actuality it’s the best thing you can do.  Go spend a weekend with your girlfriends, let him have his guy night. Yes you love each other but sometimes there is a thing as spouse overload. Even its just to read in the next room, tell them you just need some time alone.   Absents makes the heart grow fonder right?!!!!

4.  Continue to date- So for a long long while my darling husband and I neglected ourselves and instead of going out together we got in a rut of ordering in, renting vs actually going to movies and became hermits. (okay maybe not that bad) But lately we have been going out either solo or with friends and well it’s refreshing to think that we can still find things to talk about other than our girls. Although usually they are on our mind.  This last weekend we also managed to keep our dinner cell phone free! It was wonderful.

5. Continue to do what you love to do – Remember that you were two individuals once with your own interests, likes and dislikes. If in an effort to create a more perfect union you forget to enjoy the things that brought you happiness as an individual in the first place then you will be unhappy in your married life.   Whatever it is that makes you happy continue to do it!  Yes there were times when I didn’t feel like myself and it was because I forgot that there were things I really enjoyed doing.

6. Listen to each other – Sounds easy but in reality it really isn’t. I mean you have tv’s in just about every room of the house, smartphones, Ipads and computers covering just about every inch.  We are so “connected” to online communication that we forget what REAL communication is like.  Remember when you used to talk on the phone for houses, or have long conversations in your dorm room?  Remember that feeling of being so connected to each other…yeah don’t for get that. Spend time communicating and listening to each other.

7. Get knocked down 7 times get up 8 – I really love this quote but I would like to add something to it. “get knocked down 7 times get up 8 together” ! Learn that each time life knocks you down, get up, dust each other off and go head first into whatever you want. You would be amazed at how strong you are individually but at a unit its even stronger.  Always get up together, even when the other is weak and doesn’t feel like they can go on, tell them to find the strength and help them.  So them you can be strong for both of them till you can be strong together.

So none of these are life altering. They are pretty much everyday things and well probably something every relationship expert has mentioned over and over…but remember this is your marriage. Your union to work with, and like no two snowflakes are alike neither are marriages.  You have to know what works for you and that person you are married two.

If I could add one more bonus secret it would be to forgive each other and move on.  You will never move forward if you are still holding onto old shit stuffing up your brain and poisoning your marriage.   Communication helps with this…being honest with your feelings and having an open discussion will help but eventually you have to let it go.  If you hold someone accountable for one misgiving their whole life and yet forget all the 99.9 percent of all the wonderful things they have done then you could lose out.

So in honor of the man I call my husband I would like to wish him a Happy Anniversary…here is to many many more years of being crazy in love!

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